Entropy
by mformello
Summary: Back in the 40's being gay was a taboo meant for dark alleys and closed doors with hushed whispers. Steve knows all too well the fate of gay men who walk around town. Even so, Steve can't help falling in love with Bucky the way no gal ever could.


**Entropy** : _a process of degeneration marked variously by increasing degrees of uncertainty, disorder, fragmentation, chaos, etc.; specif., such a process regarded as the inevitable, terminal stage in the life of a social system or structure_

"Entropy," Bucky answered when Steve asked him what he was daydreaming about as he looked out the window blankly. "It has to do with the second law of thermodynamics."

Steve stared at Bucky bewildered. Bucky may have been fascinated with science to the point where he told Steve everything he learned, but Steve never understood the facts that escaped Bucky's lips.

"I like to think of entropy as the universe evolving to a state of disorder and chaos. Cigarette smoke will never go back into a cigarette. An ink blot with never float back into a pen. Is time like that too? Or will time reverse to this exact moment?"

He was a philosopher inside of a scientist. Bucky looked at Steve with a smile spreading across his face before turning back to look out the window. Steve swore Buck's eyes had a cast of somberness.

"Bucky-" Steve started.

"I know what you're going to ask." Bucky side glanced at Steve who was awkwardly standing in the middle of the living room.

His small lanky frame was hidden under the oversized hand-me-down clothes. His face was pale and his blond hair slightly unkept from sleeping. Bucky knew Steve was still sick, but he was too stubborn to stay in bed all day.

"Then why don't you tell me what's really going on in that head of yours?" Steve walked slowly over to the small table to take a seat with Bucky.

Bucky gave a grin. "I'll tell you, if you go on a double date with these two gals I met."

Steve groaned at this. "I don't have much of a choice now, do I?"

"Not really, I already told them we'd meet them at Coney Island this Saturday."

"What did you tell them about me?" Steve questioned. What ever it was, Steve wasn't the man the two gals would expect.

"Only the good stuff." Bucky's grin widened. "I also promised we'd take them dancing."

He also knew how much Steve hated dancing. Steve always stepped on the poor gals foot and had to look up at her instead of the other way around.

"You'll end up dancing with both of them."

Buck waved him off. He pushed himself out of the old wooden chair and walked over to the second hand radio and switched it on. Static and swing music fills the small apartment.

"No, no, no." Steve protested.

"Come on," Bucky snapped his fingers to the music and did a small dance. "I'll let you lead."

It wasn't that Steve necessarily hated dancing. He just never found the right partner.

Bucky waves Steve over to him, he wouldn't take no for an answer. Steve huffed before walking over to Bucky. Bucky closed the distance between them. Bucky's strong callused hands run over Steve's shoulder. Steve's fragile hands grip Bucky's waist.

Bucky starts moving his feet slowly, so Steve can keep up. Steve looked at his feet picking up the pace of the dance.

Bucky released his right hand on Steve's shoulder. He pulls his hand under Steve's chin tenderly, lifting Steve's face to look at his.

Steve knows the gesture isn't anything to read into, but damn did Steve feel something. His heart sped up just the slightest. Bucky's eyes sparkled. Bucky gave his signature grin.

"Ya know, we still got some liquor." Bucky suggested.

"You don't want to save it for a special occasion?" Steve questioned.

"And this isn't special? Every moment is special." Bucky released Steve and goes over to the cabinet. There's a shuffle and Bucky stands up with a bottle.

He popped the lid off not caring about where it landed on the floor. He takes a swig before handing the bottle over to Steve. Steve carefully takes a sip of the liquor. It tasted like fire and made Steve give a scrunched up face.

"Hard stuff?" Bucky laughed giving Steve a pat on the back.

After more drinking Bucky and Steve are laughing and dancing sloppily around the apartment.

Steve ran his hands up and down Bucky's sides. Bucky didn't seem to mind. Maybe it was the alcohol. Steve didn't really realize what he was doing or if he did the alcohol was what gave him the courage to do what he was doing.

And what he was doing was moving slowly towards Bucky's lips. Before Steve knows it, Bucky lips were only a few inches from his own. He can fell Bucky warm heavy breaths, the smell of alcohol apparent on his breath, but it doesn't deter him. Steve's hands move up Bucky's chest, feeling the ripples of his muscles gained from all the hard labor.

Steve for a moment felt guilty knowing that Bucky was the one supporting Steve and all his medical bills. Steve was the reason Bucky had such hard jobs. Steve was always sick and never kept a job too long. Steve would crawl half dead to work if it wasn't for Bucky to nag him to go back to bed.

Steve wrapped his arms around Bucky's neck shaking the guilt off. Bucky's hands trailed down Steve's chest softly unbuttoning his oversized shirt before slipping the shirt off of Steve's slender frame. Steve's skin stretched over his ribs showing every curve of his ribs.

Steve cupped Bucky's cheek with his delicate hand. Bucky stayed still letting Steve take the lead. Steve closed his eyes and leaned in quickly pressing his lips to Bucky's.

Sure Steve wasn't the best kisser, but Bucky could care less. He kissed Steve back sloppily, hurriedly as if this was the only time he could do this. His tongue tracing Steve's bottom lip. Steve's hands rub Bucky's chest. He pushed himself against Bucky needing to feel pressure, friction, something.

Steve could feel that Bucky needed it too. Steve palmed Bucky's through his pants, causing Bucky to throw his head back with a moan.

Bucky kissed Steve's lips again before kissing down to his neck, sucking and biting. In turn, Steve moaned.

Steve fumbled with Bucky's pant button and began to low himself to his knees.

"Wait." Bucky said sternly. He glassed eyes from the alcohol seemed to fade away.

Steve looked up at him with a mix of emotions. Confusion and hurt the most prominent.

"What's wrong Bucky?" Steve asked standing back up.

Bucky's pants were still unzipped.

"If people knew..." Bucky started in a hushed voice. The walls were fairly thin, and Bucky hoped the neighbors didn't hurt or suspect anything.

"I understand." Steve casted his eyes down and masked the hurt and slight embarrassment in his voice, but not well enough.

Steve turned and went back into the only bedroom of the house closing the door leaving Bucky alone in the living room half naked and dazed.


End file.
